Legalese
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From time to time, it becomes necessary to discipline one who has strayed into Our dominion. We look forward to such events as being beneficial to the discipline of the rest of Our subjects and entertaining as well, rather like a good bull-baiting; they are also good exercise for Us. Herein is contained an account of those episodes of discipline which are dearest to Our heart.

Kai, the Coolie Island Boi

One of my Riku images—one of my very large Riku images—was getting an amazing amount of traffic. I brushed it off as one of the vagaries of the web... until an unusual referrer link led me to the homepage of Kai, the coolie island boi. He'd direct-linked the image as his background.

This offended me for several reasons. One, direct-linking is one of the great no-nos of the web: It steals the bandwidth which the image's owner paid for. Two, my image was now direct-linked to the homepage of a 17-year-old teriyaki gangsta playboy football captain who dislikes "people who ack stupid." Shudder. And three, it was a bad choice of backgrounds. Even with the text blown up, bolded, and turned light blue, everything on the page was completely illegible. People, if you must violate netiquette, do it right!

So I spent a few minutes with Photoshop and a penis-enhancement ad and then swapped image names around. Kai's page now sported this image as a background.

I was pleased with myself. It was easier to read Kai's page against that background than against the original background.

Over the next few days, Kai's page got a rush of hits. Most of them were probably people going to his page through my livejournal, where I was chronicling everything. I had been expecting to get an irate email from Kai, then a quick unlinking, but each time checked the page, nothing changed.

Four days passed.

Kai's page had gotten over three hundred hits.

They couldn't all be from my livejournal.

So I changed the image again, just in case. I was especially proud of this one. It was a lovely photograph from Minotaur's Sex Tips for Slash Writers, guaranteed to set any straight boy's anus on edge.

Five more days passed.

Kai's page had gotten almost six hundred hits.

Enough was enough. On September 14th, I sent him this email:

Kai--

A while back, you direct-linked to a very large picture from my Kingdom Hearts shrine in order to use it as a background for your AsianAvenue page. Direct linking is an unethical practice which steals the bandwidth which I paid for so that you can use it for your own purposes. I assumed that you checked your homepage fairly often, and changed the image to something which would spur you to unlink from my site.

Since I changed the background image, your page has gotten quite a flood of hits--I can tell because I know how many times the image has been called from my site. It was amusing for a while, but now I'm tired of it. Please check your homepage. If you like the image which is currently up as a background, please save it to your own server and link to it from there. If you do not like the image which is currently up, please find another image, get permission from the original owner, and load it to your own server. You have until Wednesday, September 25 to unlink from my image files. If you do not unlink from my image files by then, I will be reporting your page to AsianAvenue for pornography.

Thank you, and please learn to spell.

-- Issendai

I have heard nothing back yet. As of this writing, Kai has four more days to save his homepage.

(My apologies to those people whose images have been used in the pursuit of Our Imperial discipline. If you object, please email me and I will be happy to remove the images.)