Themes of Estranged Parents' Forums

'I'm Contacting My Estranged Child for Me, Not Her'

Estranged parents often declare that they're not trying to contact their estranged children for the children's good, but for the parents' own good. Sometimes they have to keep trying to keep their own hope alive; sometimes they feel that ceasing contact would be letting their children "win."

Obviously I never did anything right for her so now I am going to do what is right for me. We are the mothers and the grandmothers and how dare they think they can call the shots on that. They can want us out of their lives and consider us dead to them or whatever....but we do not have to do the same!!

Parents can be eloquent in expressing their hunger for a relationship with their children, their need for validation as good parents, and their frustration with their children's restrictions. What they aren't eloquent about—what they're openly dismissive of—is their children's reaction to unwanted contact. This particular theme crops up when a parent has given up all semblance of caring about their children's perspective and wants a relationship solely for what it will do for the parent.

Updated 2/5/2015

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