The Twinkie Sandwich Challenge

A gentleman I met at Aggiecon 2001 introduced me to the Twinkie-weiner sandwich: Slit open a Twinkie, insert a cooked hot dog, top with Cheez Whiz. He swore that it was actually quite appealing once one got past the initial "I'm eating a hot dog with Cheez Whiz on a Twinkie bun" impression. I issued a call to all who were brave of heart and strong of stomach: Is he shitting me?

Quite a number of people have told me that the twinkie-weiner sandwich premiered in Weird Al's movie UHF. Now, I've watched UHF. I'm a big fan of UHF. And I don't recall seeing a Twinkie-weiner sandwich in UHF. This doesn't mean that I'm calling my kind informants liars; it's just a sign of how powerfully repulsed I am by the notion of the Twinkie-weiner sandwich. I've succeeded in blanking it out of the movie.

I suggest that the rest of you do the same.

My thanks to Zeus tfc, Scott Donovan (who says that he's "curious, but I never seem to have all the necessary ingredients at the same time"--wimp!), Daniel O'Donnell, and ForeverJian (who adds that the Weird Al CD Running with Scissors has a clip featuring the twinkie-weiner sandwich, and you can watch three people "eat it and smile." Urp). According to Cory Radcliffe, Weird Al dips the sandwich in a glass of milk before eating it. Really, now, people, that's not necessary. If it's so dry that you need to do that, you haven't made it right.

Five brave and doughty souls have stepped forward to take the challenge. In their own words:

Sue writes:

Where to start......... well I had been searching for some animé sites when I came to your site..... I read the "Challenge To All Otaku" I decided to use my snack money to buy the needed ingredients. As I was making it I thought to myself, "Am I insane?" Then I remembered that there was no doubt of that (MUA HAHAHAHAHAHA). As I was getting ready to take the first bite my best friend screamed "DONT DO IT!!!!!!" and I ignored her and took a bite. I started to feel sick but finished it. Then I high-tailed it to the bathroom. After I got out I muttered to my friend, "If I'm going to do anything like that again than kill me first." But then I remembered that I knew I was a true Anime fan... I think ^_^. So there's my story!

Bobby Ienpu writes:

The Twinkie Dog, or "Twinkie Sandwich", as you call it, has a long and honorable history... I first encountered it in the movie "UHF" starring Weird Al Yankovic, where he made it by slitting the twinkie open, pressing in the dog, and topping it with spray-can cheese. Since then I have seen it now and again in fanfics among the X-Men fan community.

Provided you can stomach the combination of dairy and meat in the first place (and I know many people can't), the peculiar mix of hotdog, fake cheese, and sweet sweet Twinkie is actually quite good... on the right occasion. Celebrating a successful acquisition of rare manga or tapes, for example.

I personally prefer my hotdogs good and crackly on the outside, if fried, or well-roasted if BBQed (I don't eat boiled), and go easy on the cheese.

And somewhere out there is an X-Men fanfic where the merry mutants participate in a version of Iron Chef with Twinkies as the main ingredient, and the Twinkie Dog is included in the dishes produced. First one, if I recall. =)

The fanfic is "Rumble in Kitchen Stadium," by Kerrie Smith. The same fanfic page had X-Men fanfics called "Midnight Twinkie Run" and "Tale of the Last Twinkie." Obsessed much, people?

The Unknown Pervert writes:

I just happened onto your otaku challenge, The Twinkie Sandwich. Now, I am a huge anime fan, not to mention a pervert. I ran out and immediately bought the igredients for this concoction, and fixed one. I must say it is the most repulsive piece of shit I've ever eaten. I think it was worth it, just to fulfill the challenge.

Pervert-san, you are truly a credit to your subculture and an honor to your epithet. And yes, you are a pervert.

Michelle Toll writes:

As soon as I came across this challenge, I grabbed my bike and rode the half mile to the market (really small). They had none of the ingredients needed. So, I crossed the street to the gas station where I found a guy who graduated from my school, that I knew from band. He guided me to the Twinkies and Cheese Whiz, but alas! No hot dogs! I decided to give up untill the next day (Saturday) when the roller rink my grandma owns, and I happen to live next to, would be open, and I would get a hot dog there. Saturday arrived, and I was rudely awaked, and reminded that the Walk for Life, Cancer Relay (Where I got sunburnt -_-) was today. I had forgotten about the Twinkie and cheeze by then, but they were still in my backpack. I happened to take the same Backpack to the Cancer Walk. When I emptied it (it was full of misc. Snacks ^_~) There were the twinkies! Could I be so lucky? YES! I ran to the concession stand (with limited food) and there were hotdogs! I asked for no bun, and explained my mission... Ithink they had a good laugh, along with some "EWWWWS!" I got back to where my friends were waiting. I split open the Twinkie, which was REALLY crumbly! Inserted the hot dog, and put on a thin line of cheese. I closed my eyes, my friends gasped... I cringed. This was much worse than I thought it would be! I thought it would be cake (no pun intended), since (to the repulsion of the marching band) I rather enjoy eating chocolate chip cookies on top of my hot dogs. But this was terrible! Not only do I not enjoy Twinkies too much in the first place, this had a sharp shugary taste to it! But Iwas determined to finish it! Then I had an Idea. I grabbed the can of cheeze, and covered the hot dog in it... It helped... a little. It took me a while, but finally I sucked it up, and put the rest of it in my mouth (three or four bites in total). The other Twinkie STILL remains on that picnic table. I plan on trying again later and taking a picture to send to you... I'm a Survivor, although I DID get some bad stomach cramps from it -.-;;

The singular personage known as Scott, Cathow, and Kakarotto write/s:

I went to the store the other day, and I saw the shelf with all the canned cheese products, and immediately thought about your challenge. I bought all to ingredients, and just a few hours ago tried the finished product.

In all honesty, it wasn't too bad.

Wasn't *good* either, but it wasn't too bad. I'd say the worst part was the twinkie filling on the hotdog. Doesn't mix well at all. Plus I hate cheese in a can. I don't think I'd eat it again, but I didn't think it was too gross. More just plain weird.

And Goodfeathers writes:

I have eaten twinkie dogs in the past. Speaking from experience, they aren't by any means the tastiest thing that has ever passed my lips, & they aren't the nastiest (that would be anything my mother cooks more complicated than tuna casserole). However, if you chase that twinkie dog with a nice, big swig of Hamm's--they're not bad. (Hamm's is a particular brand of beer, btw. Most commonly found in the small mid-central towns of Wisconsin.) In, fact, they're actually quite good, they even make Hamm's taste better.

Let us all bow our heads and observe a moment of silence in honor of these brave warriors' sacrifices.