A new member of an estranged parents’ forum writes:
Why can’t an adult child who is having issues with a parent(s) communicate to the parent something like this
“I really need to take some time away from you. I don’t want you to contact me, and I ask you to please respect this decision. I know this will be difficult for you, (my mother and/or father) but I ask you to honor my decision to refrain from interfering by asking questions, “spying” on me or by offering unsolicited advice. When the time is right, I will contact you. I cannot say how long this will be but I would appreciate it if you would step away from our relationship (including my family) so that I can move forward with the life I want, which does not include you at this time. Any contact from you will not be helpful and will be viewed by me as disrespecting my right to make these choices.”
Estranged parents….why would that be so difficult to communicate to us? The estranged child, doesn’t have to give an explanation, time-line, etc. But why must they insist on shooting fiery arrows of lies, hateful speech, separation from grandchildren, etc. and then go hide behind a bush … how immature and irresponsible, unkind, disrespectful is that.
Oh, hey! I can answer that question!
It’s because when adult children who are having problems with their parents say something like that, their parents interpret it as shooting fiery arrows of lies, hateful speech, separation from grandchildren, and hiding behind a bush.
For everyone who’s steeling themselves to get through Thanksgiving instead of looking forward to it, remember: The willfully blind are blind because they want to be. You can’t make them want to see, any more than they can make you want to eat Jell-o salad. Their idea of you is no more accurate than their idea that shredded carrots floating in lime Jell-o is an acceptable side dish. Don’t waste your time on them. Don’t waste your energy on them. Don’t beat yourself up thinking there’s a way to make them see.