In the
interest of exposing this farce and showing
the people of this overfed and
spoiled great nation the truth, I
offer myself up as a sacrifice. I will
undertake Jedi training. I will defy the
expectations of the world and my own weak
body. I will aspire to be worthy of the big
brown bathrobe.
On my
journey, I will face dozens of obstacles. The
lack of a teacher. An unathletic physique. A
hatred of pain and suffering, especially my
own. A longstanding failure to find knee-high
leather boots and a multilayered pre-dirtied
gi worthy of a Jedi. But I will persevere.
Why? Because I can. Because I dare. Because,
most importantly, if I fail, you will mock
me.
This is the
most important part of my Jedi training: You
mocking me. My RL friends are even less
athletic and Force-sensitive than I am, and
they view my evening jogs as a mild
eccentricity which I will no doubt grow out
of when I reach a woman's years. If I slack
off on my program, they nod, yawn, and pass
the chips while asking me out to a movie on
what used to be my gym night. As an
independent, self-directed modern American
who doesn't care what anyone else thinks, I
can't stay motivated unless I get regular
feedback. Usually, the the Jedi Council would
do it for me. However, as they have most
thoughtlessly failed to exist, in their
absence, you lot are to be my Greek chorus.
Don't worry.
It'll be fun.
Here's the deal: I train. I log
my progress along the Way in my LiveJournal. You play Qui-Gon. The cuter of you
can play Obi-Wan too. (Ever read a fanfic called "Wet Paint"?)
Hell, all of you can play Obi-Wan--the more fellow Padawans
there are, the
more tax evaders with lightsabers and big brown bathrobes there'll
be. Eventually, someone will complete the program and become
a Jedi, and then we'll... Well, what would you do if you became
a Jedi?
(Note:
The title bar looks terrible in Netscape. I'm sorry. That'll
be fixed when I switch this page over from "Jedi Training"
to "So You Want to Be a Jedi.")