A very desperately lonely place
In a discussion of an estranged parents’ thread, a user named fusionconfusion said something so insightful and beautifully put that I had to share it:
It strikes me it must be a very desperately lonely place, to be so cut off from having perspective on your own actions that you can’t understand why a child is not making contact because you can’t look at the reality of your treatment of them. To view your child’s anger as evidence they have no love in their lives, but your anger as justified and coming from a place of love. To view your hurt as real and arising in the relationship between you and theirs as entitled as arising from cultural expectations that have nothing to do with your relationship. To view their pain as irrelevant to anything you have done or failed to do, but your pain as a product of their abuse of you. To view your “rights” as important and obvious, but the very idea they have “rights” as some weird product of a fucked up society. To believe you have rebuilt your life to have healthier relationships without them, but this couldn’t be possibly true for them if you are not in their lives.
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Wow, this was amazing. Can I ask where it came from?
Sorry, I’m not comfortable linking directly to the forum. If you Google it, it may turn up, though.
This is an extremely good quote >_>; I feel that it also applies to leaving an abusive religion.
It does indeed. It could apply to any sick system, but religion has that extra twist that makes the us/them divide that much deeper.
I know this is old but I just wanted to post a thought.
It’s only a lonely place if you understand the concept of the “other” as being friendly and interesting. If your concept of the “other” means someone is taking up your space then it’s not lonely. That person trying to have their own needs etc becomes a complete rejection of you and attack on you. I’ve come to believe that some personalities don’t feel good sharing the world with “others”. Even if the “other” takes up space in their minds and doesn’t serve them they are being attacked or offended or pushed out. If they actually felt lonely they’d be pushed towards interpreting an “other” as existing and then they might be curious about that other and may even be able to entertain that the other has a different perspective without feeling their perspective is annihilated. It hurts them more to share the world with the other. Anyone not subjugated to their perspective is no longer a friend but a threat. Any other view completely threatens their own. It’s not lonely. It’s more like the only way they can survive.
This is typical of your mindset. If an adult child has cut off their parent, the parent must have done something wrong. Even if it’s a misunderstanding on the part of the AC, no matter; it’s not up to the AC to resolve the misunderstanding, all the parents’ fault.
I myself am a gay 30-something with no kids and have gone NC with my father, so I have no brief to defend estranged parents, but this site is full of arrogance and utter bats.
You sound like the only voice of reason on here, yes everyone here is full of arrogance and are utter bats. Could you care to elaborate on your views? I would love to hear them and I think the utter bats on this board could gain insight from them.